If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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