the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
