Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
