I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
