I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
