its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
