Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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