He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
from now on my penis is your penis
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
