Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
