i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize