1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
