you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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