my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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