He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
