The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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