Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
