Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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