he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
