Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We had to coat check the pizza.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
