six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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