I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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