Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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