I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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