i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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