oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
