I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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