She announced her abortion via fbk
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
