Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
