I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
