yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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