i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
