She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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