We need to rekindle our bromance
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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