Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
