I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you traded sex for a burrito?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize