Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
there was a trapeze. enough said
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Your penis caused this!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
