I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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