The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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