I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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