my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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