i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
