would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
