that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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