Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
