It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
