Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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