Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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