Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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