i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
