I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude i'm inner monologue high
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
