the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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