lets start a swedish sibling band together
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
