I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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