i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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