end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
