I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
