So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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