someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
