all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I smell like Dick and happiness
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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