Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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