I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
