If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
