worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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