I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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