And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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