Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
