I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
someone owes me an orgasm
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
