weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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