She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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