well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
