I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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