he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
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