Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
