Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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