Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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