One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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