First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
