i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
