She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
