i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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