I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
