i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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