Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
that's an acceptable place to lick
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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