WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize