Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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