I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
