hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
