Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
