a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
