Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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