Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
