woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
