i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
