I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
