I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Randomize
