She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The beer is more important than you right now.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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